just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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