found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
