easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
