how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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