Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
