i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
