I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
no you cant smoke seaweed
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
