Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
