he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize