you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
