She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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