Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
