i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
