Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
