We're like a lot better than the average bears
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
