i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
