Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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