I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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