so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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