There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
