Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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