To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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