A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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