You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
