I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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