I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am naked and annoyed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
