I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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