can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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