i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize
