I CAN MOONWALK!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize