so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
