no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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