the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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