you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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