You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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