You're my little dorito
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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