i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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