i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
