remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
