i would punch a child for taco bell
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
