i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
