I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize