yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
