SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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