I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Blood and glitter go together right?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize