There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
