Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
