In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize