his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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