11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
