Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
operation have a gay friend backfired
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
