I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
