my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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