I CAN MOONWALK!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
