I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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