it hurts more in the daytime
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
