I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
