i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
