I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
