im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
