WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
