You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
