When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
