Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
