there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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