also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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