We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
