this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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