arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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