Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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