This is not my ceiling
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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