I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
