This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize