I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He has the fingertips of a God
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