Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
